Things I Hate: Movie Games

For every good (or even bad) movie, there's a flaming, putrid turd of a game.

You remember all those Pixar movies, right? Y'know, like Monsters Inc. and shit? Well, a few days after ya see da movie, you see a commercial on TV sayin' something about a video game. Now, most parents and idiots think, "WOW this shit is awesome! I'd better get it." A few days later, some hapless child or random idiot puts the game into their PS2 and . . . .

"WTF is this shit?"

You turn on the game and it's alright. Nothing special, but it'll hold you over for a few hours. Then, the cheap cutscene plays. Wait . . . that's not (insert actor's name here)'s voice! Who the fuck is this?!

Then, the actual game starts. Alright, you have to . . . escape the stage? Alright, I can collect some (insert movie-related collectible here) to get "special" features like clips from THE FUCKING MOVIE THAT YOU'VE ALREADY SEEN! Gameplay? Take your pick: platformer, beat-em'-up, or the occasional shooter?

Not a very good set of options, is it?

Well, the platformers aren't about jumping from platform to platform so much as they're about jumping, missing the ledge due to shitty placement and camera, and dying. The beat-em'-ups aren't any better. It's like Dynasty Warriors cept' in slow motion and with equally sluggish controls. Shooters? Well, someone's getting shot, and it's not the enemies.

The ironic thing about movie games? They make lots o' cash, which is a testament to the rather stupid masses who don't learn the first time.

The moral? Longcat is looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong.