Otaku RPG: Fallacy 4

*Outside a mid-sized town a few days later*
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*Sayoko, Francis, Magnus, and several lesser officers stand around a map of the area around the town.*

Francis: I suggest we send a diversionary force to the front and moon them until they puke. Then, we can sneak around to the back entrance and-

Sayoko: You’re gay, aren’t you?

Francis: WHAT?! Where the hell did that come from?!

Sayoko: Well, you have an affinity for rear doors . . .

Francis (mouth wide): . . . . .

Magnus: W-we could hurl burning chunks at them before rushing in.

Sayoko: You sick son of a bitch. Where are we gonna get that much puke?!

Magnus: T-that’s n-n-not w-what I m-m-m-m-meant.

Sayoko: Sureeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

*Screams come from outside. The group rushes out.*

*As Sayoko, Magnus, and Francis step out of the tent, they witness a scene of total chaos. Sayoko's soldiers are desparately fighting off crazy women leaping about in bondage gear and men bound by shackles. They're losing, though, because the enemy has claws while they only have . . . staves?*

Sayoko: . . . Why the hell are our men fighting with sticks?

Francis: Staves.

Sayoko: . . . I see i'm not going to get a good answer out of you. Magnus, attack!

Magnus: J-jesus christ, lady, I'm not a pokemon!

Sayoko: JUST DO IT!

*Magnus hurls lightning bolt after lightning bolt at the enemies until the immediate area is littered with Kentucky Fried Wierdos.*

Sayoko (picking up one of the surviving enemies, a male): Where did you come from?

Guy (pointing to the town): T-the other side.

Sayoko: That's it? No resistance? No defiant glare? No lies?

Guy: They don't pay me well . . .

Sayoko: Alright then . . .

Sayoko (to Francis): Kill him.

Francis (raising his weapon): With pleasure.

Guy: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

*Francis brings down his weapon without mercy.*

*Thump*

Sayoko: Thump?

Francis: Errr . . .

Sayoko: Did you just try to kill him with a stick?

Francis: Staff.

Sayoko: Whatever! It's a big-ass dildo for all I care! Now shut up before I show you how to use one the hard way!

Francis: Eep!

Sayoko: Bah! March! We're going to pay our neighbors a visit.

*Sayoko and her army march away.*

Guy: Umm, guys? I'm not dead, just paralyzed from the neck down . . . Hello? Guys? God damn it. Oh well. I still saved money on my ca-

Francis (lunging at the cripple): RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!