Things I Hate: Generic Anime Podcasts

Ever looked on itunes and typed in "anime"?

It's a doozy, ain't it?

Sure, some of em' have cool soundin' names, but once you listen to them, it goes something like this:

Host: *breathes heavily* Uh um errr Hi *eats a cookie* this is umm uh *one minute pause* my podcast.

*Plays an hour long shitty jpop song from some popular but crappy anime.*

Host: We uh . . uh . . . uh . . . have some um news.

*Reads off shit from Anime News Network none of us give a rat's ass about; probably a half-hour long list of anime releases that no one gives a damn about too.*

Host: Um . . . promo time!

*Plays a promo for another shitty anime podcast that's probably been dead for a year.*

Host: Um . . . yeah . . . well . . . I'm uh um reviewing um Naruto. Naruto is about . . . Naruto. It's um awesome. *Spends an hour reading the god damn Wikipedia article on Naruto.* Go buy . . . um rent . . um . . . torrent it.

Co-host (interrupting): *Insert lame in-joke here*

*Everyone laughs and repeats this process for an eternity before they accidentally stop recording.*
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Yeah, not cool. So thus, my rant begins.

1. NO ONE gives a fuck about Naruto. (At least not enough to listen to a review of it on a fucking podcast).
2. News is ass. If we wanted to know about new releases and anime-related scandals, we'll do it our fucking selves. Unless you have something interesting to say about the news, shut up.
3. Odds are, if you try to be funny, you become that much lamer.
4. No one agrees with your taste in music.
5. Plot summaries are NOT reviews.
6. Your promos suck.
7. If you won't delete dead air and vocal fillers in your postproduction, then we'll delete your podcast from our podcatchers.
8. Think you're both knowledgable AND funny? Think again.
9. Watching Evangellion doesn't automatically make you hardcore.
10. Watching Bleach DEFINATELY doesn't make you hardcore.
11. Inuyasha is NOT deep.
12. Naruto is NOT cool.
13. Love Hina is NOT funny.
14. Lucky Star is NOT Haruhi.
15. .hack//SIGN is NOT interesting
16. We don't need to know about how much of a furry you are.
17. Most yaoi is just as shallow as most yuri.
18. I don't care how "experienced" you are. You're not Daryl Surat.
19. I don't care how "funny" you are. You're not Dave or Joel.
20. I don't care if your news is "interesting". You're not Rym or Scott.

And most importantly:

21. I don't care if Kodomo no Jikan is "funny" or "cute" or "innocent". You're a pedophile for liking it.

I don't know who the "you"s are referring to in particular, but I'm sure you'll know if you're one of em'. XD

Wow, that felt good.