*The slaver base on the other side of the village*
--------------------------------------------------------
*A woman in an elaborate leather outfit sits in a tent. On each side of her, a man fans her with a palm leaf. Her feet rest on a man on his hands and knees. Next to one of the men stands a woman covered in leather straps with a blindfold over her eyes and gauntlets with blades protruding from them.*
*A glass-wearing girl carrying a huge pair of scissors on her back walks in.*
Glass-Wearing Girl: Lady Hilda, the raid was a success. We captured roughly 50 suitable men. But-
*Hilda sits upright.*
Hilda: But what, Mari?
Mari: One of our squads didn’t return and the predators have reported an encampment on the other side of the town.
*The insane-looking one in the leather straps stirs.*
Gwenyth: Should I deal with them?
Hilda: Hmmm . . . What do you think, Mari-?
*Mari is teasing a man with her scissors. He flinches as the blades glide just over his skin.*
Mari: Heh heh. Keep very still! Otherwise, my fingers might just slip-
Hilda: Mari! For the last time, don’t mess up the merchandise!
Gwenyth: *Ahem* Your orders?
Hilda: Let’s welcome them to the neighborhood. Heh heh.
*They head out and their army of male slaves armed with crappy swords (if anything) led by women in outfits similar to Hilda’s wielding whips begins to march. Several women dressed similarly to Gwenyth gather around her before they disappear.*
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
WTF Mate? 7/24/07
Sorry guys, but no DoS IRCast this week. Anyways . . .
Scary Fact #1: Us gals don't like shota . . . scary, fourty-year old, balding, ugly men do.
Scary Fact #1: Us gals don't like shota . . . scary, fourty-year old, balding, ugly men do.
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Otaku RPG: Fallacy 4
*Outside a mid-sized town a few days later*
------------------------------------------------------
*Sayoko, Francis, Magnus, and several lesser officers stand around a map of the area around the town.*
Francis: I suggest we send a diversionary force to the front and moon them until they puke. Then, we can sneak around to the back entrance and-
Sayoko: You’re gay, aren’t you?
Francis: WHAT?! Where the hell did that come from?!
Sayoko: Well, you have an affinity for rear doors . . .
Francis (mouth wide): . . . . .
Magnus: W-we could hurl burning chunks at them before rushing in.
Sayoko: You sick son of a bitch. Where are we gonna get that much puke?!
Magnus: T-that’s n-n-not w-what I m-m-m-m-meant.
Sayoko: Sureeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
*Screams come from outside. The group rushes out.*
*As Sayoko, Magnus, and Francis step out of the tent, they witness a scene of total chaos. Sayoko's soldiers are desparately fighting off crazy women leaping about in bondage gear and men bound by shackles. They're losing, though, because the enemy has claws while they only have . . . staves?*
Sayoko: . . . Why the hell are our men fighting with sticks?
Francis: Staves.
Sayoko: . . . I see i'm not going to get a good answer out of you. Magnus, attack!
Magnus: J-jesus christ, lady, I'm not a pokemon!
Sayoko: JUST DO IT!
*Magnus hurls lightning bolt after lightning bolt at the enemies until the immediate area is littered with Kentucky Fried Wierdos.*
Sayoko (picking up one of the surviving enemies, a male): Where did you come from?
Guy (pointing to the town): T-the other side.
Sayoko: That's it? No resistance? No defiant glare? No lies?
Guy: They don't pay me well . . .
Sayoko: Alright then . . .
Sayoko (to Francis): Kill him.
Francis (raising his weapon): With pleasure.
Guy: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
*Francis brings down his weapon without mercy.*
*Thump*
Sayoko: Thump?
Francis: Errr . . .
Sayoko: Did you just try to kill him with a stick?
Francis: Staff.
Sayoko: Whatever! It's a big-ass dildo for all I care! Now shut up before I show you how to use one the hard way!
Francis: Eep!
Sayoko: Bah! March! We're going to pay our neighbors a visit.
*Sayoko and her army march away.*
Guy: Umm, guys? I'm not dead, just paralyzed from the neck down . . . Hello? Guys? God damn it. Oh well. I still saved money on my ca-
Francis (lunging at the cripple): RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
------------------------------------------------------
*Sayoko, Francis, Magnus, and several lesser officers stand around a map of the area around the town.*
Francis: I suggest we send a diversionary force to the front and moon them until they puke. Then, we can sneak around to the back entrance and-
Sayoko: You’re gay, aren’t you?
Francis: WHAT?! Where the hell did that come from?!
Sayoko: Well, you have an affinity for rear doors . . .
Francis (mouth wide): . . . . .
Magnus: W-we could hurl burning chunks at them before rushing in.
Sayoko: You sick son of a bitch. Where are we gonna get that much puke?!
Magnus: T-that’s n-n-not w-what I m-m-m-m-meant.
Sayoko: Sureeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
*Screams come from outside. The group rushes out.*
*As Sayoko, Magnus, and Francis step out of the tent, they witness a scene of total chaos. Sayoko's soldiers are desparately fighting off crazy women leaping about in bondage gear and men bound by shackles. They're losing, though, because the enemy has claws while they only have . . . staves?*
Sayoko: . . . Why the hell are our men fighting with sticks?
Francis: Staves.
Sayoko: . . . I see i'm not going to get a good answer out of you. Magnus, attack!
Magnus: J-jesus christ, lady, I'm not a pokemon!
Sayoko: JUST DO IT!
*Magnus hurls lightning bolt after lightning bolt at the enemies until the immediate area is littered with Kentucky Fried Wierdos.*
Sayoko (picking up one of the surviving enemies, a male): Where did you come from?
Guy (pointing to the town): T-the other side.
Sayoko: That's it? No resistance? No defiant glare? No lies?
Guy: They don't pay me well . . .
Sayoko: Alright then . . .
Sayoko (to Francis): Kill him.
Francis (raising his weapon): With pleasure.
Guy: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
*Francis brings down his weapon without mercy.*
*Thump*
Sayoko: Thump?
Francis: Errr . . .
Sayoko: Did you just try to kill him with a stick?
Francis: Staff.
Sayoko: Whatever! It's a big-ass dildo for all I care! Now shut up before I show you how to use one the hard way!
Francis: Eep!
Sayoko: Bah! March! We're going to pay our neighbors a visit.
*Sayoko and her army march away.*
Guy: Umm, guys? I'm not dead, just paralyzed from the neck down . . . Hello? Guys? God damn it. Oh well. I still saved money on my ca-
Francis (lunging at the cripple): RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Saturday, July 21, 2007
The Life of a Japanese Schoolgirl part 5
July 18, 2007
I learned something today. Desu!
Longcat is looooooooooooooong. Desu!
-----------------------------------------
July 19, 2007
Bitches don't know about my Desu!
-----------------------------------------
July 20, 2007
IMA CHARGIN MAH LAZER!
SHOOP DA WHOOP!
-----------------------------------------
July 21, 2007
No wai! Rule #34, yeah right. "If it exists, there's porn of it."
No freakin' way. Ima prove it myself.
Ima go to google and type in everything i've ever known with "porn" attatched to the end of it. That'll show em'.
------------------------------------------
July 22, 2007
OH HOLY JESUS, RULE #34 IS REAL!! IT'S FUCKING REAL!
MY EYES!
DO NOT WANT! Err . . . Desu?
------------------------------------------
I learned something today. Desu!
Longcat is looooooooooooooong. Desu!
-----------------------------------------
July 19, 2007
Bitches don't know about my Desu!
-----------------------------------------
July 20, 2007
IMA CHARGIN MAH LAZER!
SHOOP DA WHOOP!
-----------------------------------------
July 21, 2007
No wai! Rule #34, yeah right. "If it exists, there's porn of it."
No freakin' way. Ima prove it myself.
Ima go to google and type in everything i've ever known with "porn" attatched to the end of it. That'll show em'.
------------------------------------------
July 22, 2007
OH HOLY JESUS, RULE #34 IS REAL!! IT'S FUCKING REAL!
MY EYES!
DO NOT WANT! Err . . . Desu?
------------------------------------------
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Things I Hate: Movie Games
For every good (or even bad) movie, there's a flaming, putrid turd of a game.
You remember all those Pixar movies, right? Y'know, like Monsters Inc. and shit? Well, a few days after ya see da movie, you see a commercial on TV sayin' something about a video game. Now, most parents and idiots think, "WOW this shit is awesome! I'd better get it." A few days later, some hapless child or random idiot puts the game into their PS2 and . . . .
"WTF is this shit?"
You turn on the game and it's alright. Nothing special, but it'll hold you over for a few hours. Then, the cheap cutscene plays. Wait . . . that's not (insert actor's name here)'s voice! Who the fuck is this?!
Then, the actual game starts. Alright, you have to . . . escape the stage? Alright, I can collect some (insert movie-related collectible here) to get "special" features like clips from THE FUCKING MOVIE THAT YOU'VE ALREADY SEEN! Gameplay? Take your pick: platformer, beat-em'-up, or the occasional shooter?
Not a very good set of options, is it?
Well, the platformers aren't about jumping from platform to platform so much as they're about jumping, missing the ledge due to shitty placement and camera, and dying. The beat-em'-ups aren't any better. It's like Dynasty Warriors cept' in slow motion and with equally sluggish controls. Shooters? Well, someone's getting shot, and it's not the enemies.
The ironic thing about movie games? They make lots o' cash, which is a testament to the rather stupid masses who don't learn the first time.
The moral? Longcat is looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong.
You remember all those Pixar movies, right? Y'know, like Monsters Inc. and shit? Well, a few days after ya see da movie, you see a commercial on TV sayin' something about a video game. Now, most parents and idiots think, "WOW this shit is awesome! I'd better get it." A few days later, some hapless child or random idiot puts the game into their PS2 and . . . .
"WTF is this shit?"
You turn on the game and it's alright. Nothing special, but it'll hold you over for a few hours. Then, the cheap cutscene plays. Wait . . . that's not (insert actor's name here)'s voice! Who the fuck is this?!
Then, the actual game starts. Alright, you have to . . . escape the stage? Alright, I can collect some (insert movie-related collectible here) to get "special" features like clips from THE FUCKING MOVIE THAT YOU'VE ALREADY SEEN! Gameplay? Take your pick: platformer, beat-em'-up, or the occasional shooter?
Not a very good set of options, is it?
Well, the platformers aren't about jumping from platform to platform so much as they're about jumping, missing the ledge due to shitty placement and camera, and dying. The beat-em'-ups aren't any better. It's like Dynasty Warriors cept' in slow motion and with equally sluggish controls. Shooters? Well, someone's getting shot, and it's not the enemies.
The ironic thing about movie games? They make lots o' cash, which is a testament to the rather stupid masses who don't learn the first time.
The moral? Longcat is looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Ima Lookin' At J00!: Geeknights Thursdays
The General Idea: "Throwaway Thursdays" as Rym and Scott like to call em'. Whatever doesn't fall under Science, Tech, Video Games, Board Games, Anime, Manga, or Comics ends up on this feed. They pick a topic and . . . well, talk about it. You know, share experiences, give insight, etc.
Style: Well-organized. Geeknights Thursdays isn't a comedy podcast, but you'll get the occasional laugh from their well-placed in-jokes. Rym and Scott do news, but unlike most podcasters who do news, they actually have something interesting to say when they do it. Simply put, they tell you something you don't know or say something worthwhile about something you do know about. The podcast is structured into a few consistent segments. After the short opening and preliminary comments, they go into news followed by things of the day, which are awesome things they find on the internet. After that, they go in-depth on their topic for the day and end with show-related info.
Substance: Here's where the goodies lie. The news on this show isn't something you just nod off to or fast forward by. It actually makes you think. Quite an accomplishment, i'd say. Things of the day tend to be hit or miss, but are usually reliable sources of entertainment. Regardless of their main topic, there's always something new to learn (or another perspective to consider) when listening to this podcast. Sometimes, the idea is to inform newbies and sometimes, it's to go deep on a subject. Works either way.
Hosts: Rym and Scott can form cohesive sentences unlike a good deal of the podcasters out there. They can speak clearly and express their ideas with the same clarity. Though they do go off on tangents and Scott tends to raise rather odd arguments from time to time, these factors rarely detract from the show. They won't tell you shit you already know, which is a huge plus in my book.
Sound Quality: Earlier episodes have passable (though certainly not bad) sound quality. Everything else (barring interviews and non-studio recorded material)is of superb quality. No complaints here.
Episodes This Review Is Based On: All Geeknights Thursdays episodes prior to 7/19/07.
Recommended Episodes: This is a toughie. It really depends on your tastes since the episodes are very topical. Just find ones you like and listen to those first.
Release Rate: Usually every Thursday.
Overall: 5/5 Top-Tier
Style: Well-organized. Geeknights Thursdays isn't a comedy podcast, but you'll get the occasional laugh from their well-placed in-jokes. Rym and Scott do news, but unlike most podcasters who do news, they actually have something interesting to say when they do it. Simply put, they tell you something you don't know or say something worthwhile about something you do know about. The podcast is structured into a few consistent segments. After the short opening and preliminary comments, they go into news followed by things of the day, which are awesome things they find on the internet. After that, they go in-depth on their topic for the day and end with show-related info.
Substance: Here's where the goodies lie. The news on this show isn't something you just nod off to or fast forward by. It actually makes you think. Quite an accomplishment, i'd say. Things of the day tend to be hit or miss, but are usually reliable sources of entertainment. Regardless of their main topic, there's always something new to learn (or another perspective to consider) when listening to this podcast. Sometimes, the idea is to inform newbies and sometimes, it's to go deep on a subject. Works either way.
Hosts: Rym and Scott can form cohesive sentences unlike a good deal of the podcasters out there. They can speak clearly and express their ideas with the same clarity. Though they do go off on tangents and Scott tends to raise rather odd arguments from time to time, these factors rarely detract from the show. They won't tell you shit you already know, which is a huge plus in my book.
Sound Quality: Earlier episodes have passable (though certainly not bad) sound quality. Everything else (barring interviews and non-studio recorded material)is of superb quality. No complaints here.
Episodes This Review Is Based On: All Geeknights Thursdays episodes prior to 7/19/07.
Recommended Episodes: This is a toughie. It really depends on your tastes since the episodes are very topical. Just find ones you like and listen to those first.
Release Rate: Usually every Thursday.
Overall: 5/5 Top-Tier
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Otaku RPG: Fallacy 3
Magnus: N-n-no! I-I am a m-m-mage.
Sayoko: O Rly?
Magnus: Y-Ya R-R-Rly.
Sayoko: Alright then, let’s see your powers, but tell you what. You’re going to show our men what you can do. Succeed, and you’ll be my right-
Francis: Ahem.
Sayoko: *Sigh* Left hand man.
Magnus: R-really?
Sayoko: BUT, there’s a catch. If you don’t live up, I’ll have them chop off your legs before impaling you and leaving you to rot. Off we go!
*In front of the barracks*
-------------------------------------
*Several hundred soldiers stand at attention while Sayoko, Francis, and Magnus face them.*
Sayoko (pointing to a huge boulder): Well?
Magnus: O-okay.
*He holds his hand toward the boulder. For a moment, his hand glows with a scarlet aura.*
Sayoko: . . . Well, that was lame.
*Suddenly, a fireball the size of a giant’s torso bursts out of a seal on Magnus’ palm, obliterating the boulder and raining debris everywhere.*
Sayoko: I think we have our winner!
*Just as everyone starts cheering, another fireball rips through the air, detonating in front of a group of soldiers.*
Sayoko (to Magnus): What the fuck are you doing?!
Magnus: Fireball . .. Fireball! FIREBALL!!!!!!!
*He sprays the area with fireballs. Soldiers and civilian spectators alike flee in terror.*
*After a few minutes, Magnus collapses.*
Francis: At least he’s powerful . . .
Sayoko: . . .
*SLAP*
Sayoko: O Rly?
Magnus: Y-Ya R-R-Rly.
Sayoko: Alright then, let’s see your powers, but tell you what. You’re going to show our men what you can do. Succeed, and you’ll be my right-
Francis: Ahem.
Sayoko: *Sigh* Left hand man.
Magnus: R-really?
Sayoko: BUT, there’s a catch. If you don’t live up, I’ll have them chop off your legs before impaling you and leaving you to rot. Off we go!
*In front of the barracks*
-------------------------------------
*Several hundred soldiers stand at attention while Sayoko, Francis, and Magnus face them.*
Sayoko (pointing to a huge boulder): Well?
Magnus: O-okay.
*He holds his hand toward the boulder. For a moment, his hand glows with a scarlet aura.*
Sayoko: . . . Well, that was lame.
*Suddenly, a fireball the size of a giant’s torso bursts out of a seal on Magnus’ palm, obliterating the boulder and raining debris everywhere.*
Sayoko: I think we have our winner!
*Just as everyone starts cheering, another fireball rips through the air, detonating in front of a group of soldiers.*
Sayoko (to Magnus): What the fuck are you doing?!
Magnus: Fireball . .. Fireball! FIREBALL!!!!!!!
*He sprays the area with fireballs. Soldiers and civilian spectators alike flee in terror.*
*After a few minutes, Magnus collapses.*
Francis: At least he’s powerful . . .
Sayoko: . . .
*SLAP*
Monday, July 16, 2007
Sunday, July 15, 2007
DoS IRCast: 7/15/07
Leviathan: PALT-CHAN GUESS WHAT?!
Paltir: wha?
Leviathan: I BOUGHT THE DUNGEON MASTER'S GUIDE TODAY!
Paltir: and?
Leviathan: AND I'M RUNNING A DUNGEON AT A CON IN SEPTEMBER!
Paltir: ...
Paltir: estimated chance of failure... 78%
Paltir: wha?
Leviathan: I BOUGHT THE DUNGEON MASTER'S GUIDE TODAY!
Paltir: and?
Leviathan: AND I'M RUNNING A DUNGEON AT A CON IN SEPTEMBER!
Paltir: ...
Paltir: estimated chance of failure... 78%
Otaku RPG: Fallacy 2
On the 153rd day of the 9998th year of the celestial calendar, Lord . . . umm whatever his name is was thrown into the dungeon of homoerotic agony never to be seen again.
*Sayoko sits on a throne-ish chair, observing her new servants when a man in fancy military armor runs into the room.*
General: You called, milady?
Sayoko: About fucking time you got here, General . . . err . . .
General: Francis. Francis, the Lord of Staves.
Sayoko: Staves? That's the lamest thing I’ve ever heard!
Francis: Well, blades, bows, and spears were taken and I wanted to be original . . .
Sayoko: . . . Moving on, I want you to gather the mightiest warriors of this realm and bring them to me!
Francis: Alright . . .
*Half an hour later*
Sayoko: What?! I tell you to bring the best of the realm and you bring me this collection of rejects?!
Francis: Well, the previous lord already drove out our best warriors so . . .
Sayoko: Oh great. I might as well be picking teams in Special Ed.
*Sayoko closes her eyes, spins around, and randomly points at one of the “warriors” Francis brought.*
*Her finger lands on a somewhat muscular man with a longsword on his back.*
Sayoko: Who are you and why the hell should I hire you?
Alfonso: I am Alfonso. I want to defend the world against the evils that plague-
Sayoko: Next!
*A klutzy girl stumbles up to her*
Sayoko: Well?
Angela: I’m Angela. I’m a seemingly helpless girl, but in reality, I’ve descended from an ancient race of celestials and have hidden powers beyond mortal-
Sayoko: Francis! What does the scouter say about her BS level?
Francis: It’s over 9000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sayoko: WHAT 9000?!
Angela: So . . . . do I get the job?
Sayoko: . . . Get out.
*A gruff man wearing heavy armor and carrying a large blade steps forward*
Sayoko (yawning): You interview him, Frenchie.
Francis: I’m not a Frenchie, you demented bit-
*SLAP*
Francis: *Sniff* Please stop! Frenchie will be good! Frenchie promises! Errrr . . . . (to the newcomer) Why should we hire you?
Boris: I like swords.
Francis: Fair enough. What is your defining characteristic?
Boris: I like swords.
Francis: I see . . . And your previous experience in this field?
Boris: I like swords.
Francis: Outstanding! I think we’ve found our-
*SLAP*
Sayoko: Next!
*An angst-ridden teen slithers up to the “throne”*
Sayoko: What’s so special about you?
Teen: My life is a living hell. They try to make me something I’m not. My blood boils every time I think about it. How they imprisoned me. How they rejected me. How they left me to-
Sayoko: Blah. Blah. Blah. ALL parents are like that, so either grow a pair or get out, Shinji.
*Finally, a twitching being hidden under red robes moves forth, his hands grasping his robes.*
Sayoko: I swear if you flash me, I’m gonna chop your flashlight off and give it to Mr. Angstfest over there.
*Sayoko sits on a throne-ish chair, observing her new servants when a man in fancy military armor runs into the room.*
General: You called, milady?
Sayoko: About fucking time you got here, General . . . err . . .
General: Francis. Francis, the Lord of Staves.
Sayoko: Staves? That's the lamest thing I’ve ever heard!
Francis: Well, blades, bows, and spears were taken and I wanted to be original . . .
Sayoko: . . . Moving on, I want you to gather the mightiest warriors of this realm and bring them to me!
Francis: Alright . . .
*Half an hour later*
Sayoko: What?! I tell you to bring the best of the realm and you bring me this collection of rejects?!
Francis: Well, the previous lord already drove out our best warriors so . . .
Sayoko: Oh great. I might as well be picking teams in Special Ed.
*Sayoko closes her eyes, spins around, and randomly points at one of the “warriors” Francis brought.*
*Her finger lands on a somewhat muscular man with a longsword on his back.*
Sayoko: Who are you and why the hell should I hire you?
Alfonso: I am Alfonso. I want to defend the world against the evils that plague-
Sayoko: Next!
*A klutzy girl stumbles up to her*
Sayoko: Well?
Angela: I’m Angela. I’m a seemingly helpless girl, but in reality, I’ve descended from an ancient race of celestials and have hidden powers beyond mortal-
Sayoko: Francis! What does the scouter say about her BS level?
Francis: It’s over 9000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sayoko: WHAT 9000?!
Angela: So . . . . do I get the job?
Sayoko: . . . Get out.
*A gruff man wearing heavy armor and carrying a large blade steps forward*
Sayoko (yawning): You interview him, Frenchie.
Francis: I’m not a Frenchie, you demented bit-
*SLAP*
Francis: *Sniff* Please stop! Frenchie will be good! Frenchie promises! Errrr . . . . (to the newcomer) Why should we hire you?
Boris: I like swords.
Francis: Fair enough. What is your defining characteristic?
Boris: I like swords.
Francis: I see . . . And your previous experience in this field?
Boris: I like swords.
Francis: Outstanding! I think we’ve found our-
*SLAP*
Sayoko: Next!
*An angst-ridden teen slithers up to the “throne”*
Sayoko: What’s so special about you?
Teen: My life is a living hell. They try to make me something I’m not. My blood boils every time I think about it. How they imprisoned me. How they rejected me. How they left me to-
Sayoko: Blah. Blah. Blah. ALL parents are like that, so either grow a pair or get out, Shinji.
*Finally, a twitching being hidden under red robes moves forth, his hands grasping his robes.*
Sayoko: I swear if you flash me, I’m gonna chop your flashlight off and give it to Mr. Angstfest over there.
Saturday, July 14, 2007
The Life of a Japanese Schoolgirl part 4
OOS (Out of story): Welp, Life of a Japanese Schoolgirl is back! Let's see what our unnamed heroine's been up to.
-----------------------------------
July 14, 2007
Dear diary, today, I got out of rehab. To celebrate, one of mom's "friends" got me a computer!
After spending an hour installing Windows 95, I decided to investigate the wonderous internet.
Everyone at school told me of all sorts of cool things like "IM", and "Myspace", and "cybering".
I had remembered something Fujiko told me. www.lemonparty.org, I think. I thought I'd check it out!
After starting up AOL, I heard something that sounded like my computer was having an orgasm . . . or an epileptic shock.
Anyways, once I got online, I entered the adress and waited.
And Waited.
And Waited.
And Waited.
---------------------------
July 15, 2007
This morning I woke up to find that AOL finally downloaded the site! Yay!
But.
What I saw had nothing to do with lemons but was a party all right.
Just then, my mom walked in.
For some reason, she nodded like she was understanding something, turned around, and left the room.
Ummm . . .I guess the next stop on the internet Fujiko suggested is something called "4chan".
I'll check it out tomorrow.
-----------------------------
July 16, 2007
Dear diary, today, I took a look at 4chan.
At first, I thought it was cute and stuff with /a/ and /an/, but once I got to /b/ . . .
-----------------------------
July 17, 2007
W-w-why is everyone so mean? Everyone's calling me bitch and whore and /b/tard!
There're funny things on /b/, though. Desu!
-----------------------------------
July 14, 2007
Dear diary, today, I got out of rehab. To celebrate, one of mom's "friends" got me a computer!
After spending an hour installing Windows 95, I decided to investigate the wonderous internet.
Everyone at school told me of all sorts of cool things like "IM", and "Myspace", and "cybering".
I had remembered something Fujiko told me. www.lemonparty.org, I think. I thought I'd check it out!
After starting up AOL, I heard something that sounded like my computer was having an orgasm . . . or an epileptic shock.
Anyways, once I got online, I entered the adress and waited.
And Waited.
And Waited.
And Waited.
---------------------------
July 15, 2007
This morning I woke up to find that AOL finally downloaded the site! Yay!
But.
What I saw had nothing to do with lemons but was a party all right.
Just then, my mom walked in.
For some reason, she nodded like she was understanding something, turned around, and left the room.
Ummm . . .I guess the next stop on the internet Fujiko suggested is something called "4chan".
I'll check it out tomorrow.
-----------------------------
July 16, 2007
Dear diary, today, I took a look at 4chan.
At first, I thought it was cute and stuff with /a/ and /an/, but once I got to /b/ . . .
-----------------------------
July 17, 2007
W-w-why is everyone so mean? Everyone's calling me bitch and whore and /b/tard!
There're funny things on /b/, though. Desu!
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Things I Hate: Generic Anime Podcasts
Ever looked on itunes and typed in "anime"?
It's a doozy, ain't it?
Sure, some of em' have cool soundin' names, but once you listen to them, it goes something like this:
Host: *breathes heavily* Uh um errr Hi *eats a cookie* this is umm uh *one minute pause* my podcast.
*Plays an hour long shitty jpop song from some popular but crappy anime.*
Host: We uh . . uh . . . uh . . . have some um news.
*Reads off shit from Anime News Network none of us give a rat's ass about; probably a half-hour long list of anime releases that no one gives a damn about too.*
Host: Um . . . promo time!
*Plays a promo for another shitty anime podcast that's probably been dead for a year.*
Host: Um . . . yeah . . . well . . . I'm uh um reviewing um Naruto. Naruto is about . . . Naruto. It's um awesome. *Spends an hour reading the god damn Wikipedia article on Naruto.* Go buy . . . um rent . . um . . . torrent it.
Co-host (interrupting): *Insert lame in-joke here*
*Everyone laughs and repeats this process for an eternity before they accidentally stop recording.*
-------------------------------
Yeah, not cool. So thus, my rant begins.
1. NO ONE gives a fuck about Naruto. (At least not enough to listen to a review of it on a fucking podcast).
2. News is ass. If we wanted to know about new releases and anime-related scandals, we'll do it our fucking selves. Unless you have something interesting to say about the news, shut up.
3. Odds are, if you try to be funny, you become that much lamer.
4. No one agrees with your taste in music.
5. Plot summaries are NOT reviews.
6. Your promos suck.
7. If you won't delete dead air and vocal fillers in your postproduction, then we'll delete your podcast from our podcatchers.
8. Think you're both knowledgable AND funny? Think again.
9. Watching Evangellion doesn't automatically make you hardcore.
10. Watching Bleach DEFINATELY doesn't make you hardcore.
11. Inuyasha is NOT deep.
12. Naruto is NOT cool.
13. Love Hina is NOT funny.
14. Lucky Star is NOT Haruhi.
15. .hack//SIGN is NOT interesting
16. We don't need to know about how much of a furry you are.
17. Most yaoi is just as shallow as most yuri.
18. I don't care how "experienced" you are. You're not Daryl Surat.
19. I don't care how "funny" you are. You're not Dave or Joel.
20. I don't care if your news is "interesting". You're not Rym or Scott.
And most importantly:
21. I don't care if Kodomo no Jikan is "funny" or "cute" or "innocent". You're a pedophile for liking it.
I don't know who the "you"s are referring to in particular, but I'm sure you'll know if you're one of em'. XD
Wow, that felt good.
It's a doozy, ain't it?
Sure, some of em' have cool soundin' names, but once you listen to them, it goes something like this:
Host: *breathes heavily* Uh um errr Hi *eats a cookie* this is umm uh *one minute pause* my podcast.
*Plays an hour long shitty jpop song from some popular but crappy anime.*
Host: We uh . . uh . . . uh . . . have some um news.
*Reads off shit from Anime News Network none of us give a rat's ass about; probably a half-hour long list of anime releases that no one gives a damn about too.*
Host: Um . . . promo time!
*Plays a promo for another shitty anime podcast that's probably been dead for a year.*
Host: Um . . . yeah . . . well . . . I'm uh um reviewing um Naruto. Naruto is about . . . Naruto. It's um awesome. *Spends an hour reading the god damn Wikipedia article on Naruto.* Go buy . . . um rent . . um . . . torrent it.
Co-host (interrupting): *Insert lame in-joke here*
*Everyone laughs and repeats this process for an eternity before they accidentally stop recording.*
-------------------------------
Yeah, not cool. So thus, my rant begins.
1. NO ONE gives a fuck about Naruto. (At least not enough to listen to a review of it on a fucking podcast).
2. News is ass. If we wanted to know about new releases and anime-related scandals, we'll do it our fucking selves. Unless you have something interesting to say about the news, shut up.
3. Odds are, if you try to be funny, you become that much lamer.
4. No one agrees with your taste in music.
5. Plot summaries are NOT reviews.
6. Your promos suck.
7. If you won't delete dead air and vocal fillers in your postproduction, then we'll delete your podcast from our podcatchers.
8. Think you're both knowledgable AND funny? Think again.
9. Watching Evangellion doesn't automatically make you hardcore.
10. Watching Bleach DEFINATELY doesn't make you hardcore.
11. Inuyasha is NOT deep.
12. Naruto is NOT cool.
13. Love Hina is NOT funny.
14. Lucky Star is NOT Haruhi.
15. .hack//SIGN is NOT interesting
16. We don't need to know about how much of a furry you are.
17. Most yaoi is just as shallow as most yuri.
18. I don't care how "experienced" you are. You're not Daryl Surat.
19. I don't care how "funny" you are. You're not Dave or Joel.
20. I don't care if your news is "interesting". You're not Rym or Scott.
And most importantly:
21. I don't care if Kodomo no Jikan is "funny" or "cute" or "innocent". You're a pedophile for liking it.
I don't know who the "you"s are referring to in particular, but I'm sure you'll know if you're one of em'. XD
Wow, that felt good.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Ima Lookin' At J00!: The Rookie
The General Idea: The Rookie is a podcast novel written and read by Scott Sigler. Essentially football in space . . . except awesome.
The Plot: In the distant future, several species of sentiens live in a somewhat uneasy peace. To divert their violent tendencies from each other, the various races turn to football as both a source of unity . . . and awesome violence. Quentin Barnes is the star quarterback of a team in the Purest Nation Football League, an all-human league consisting of all tier three teams (out of 3 with Tier 1 being the highest). Despite being superior to most players in his league, Quentin is far from satisfied as he desires the highest prize: to play in tier 1. He gets a chance when he is picked up by a tier 2 team, the Ionath Krakens. If his new team is among the top two in tier two at the end of the season, they move up to the top tier. The catch? He has aliens for teammates, and coming from a culture where the only thing you learn about other species is how to kill them in the most effective way possible, he has his work cut out for him.
Style: No fancy tricks here, Scott Sigler gives it to you straight. The Rookie pulls no punches, gets to the point, and saves the graphic detail for the stuff that counts: the brutal, unforgiving, and sudden violence. Just the way I like it. XD
Substance: N/A (This is for informative podcasts)
Host(s): Scott Sigler is vibrant, energetic, and expressive. You won't hear him stumble over his words or mumble. He's one of the few hosts I've heard who adress fanmail and voicemails as if they were from his buddies. From what I've seen, the close relationship between him and his junkies (named so due to their addiction to his work) is quite a rare sight in podcasts with fanbases as large as his. Also, for a one-man voice cast, he does a pretty damn good job.
Sound Quality: No flaws of note. Excellent overall.
Episodes this review is based on: All of Them.
Recommended Episodes: All the main episodes.
Releases: Completed
Misc Comments: At first, I was a bit skeptical about the football theme. I'm not a footbal fan and expected The Rookie to chew me up. I was pleasantly surprised when I wasn't completely lost. For a sports story, characters have a fair deal of depth and everything from intergalactic politics to the workings of the underworld are presented. The football parts are done in such a way that you can enjoy all the blood and glory of futuristic football without having to deal with the boring bits. The violence is a bit slow to appear and if you're coming from Infection or Ancestor, won't be as able to sate your bloodlust. Well, Sigler, if you're reading this, kudos to you. You've turned me into a Junkie and now I can't wait for Nocturnal.
Overall: 5/5
The Plot: In the distant future, several species of sentiens live in a somewhat uneasy peace. To divert their violent tendencies from each other, the various races turn to football as both a source of unity . . . and awesome violence. Quentin Barnes is the star quarterback of a team in the Purest Nation Football League, an all-human league consisting of all tier three teams (out of 3 with Tier 1 being the highest). Despite being superior to most players in his league, Quentin is far from satisfied as he desires the highest prize: to play in tier 1. He gets a chance when he is picked up by a tier 2 team, the Ionath Krakens. If his new team is among the top two in tier two at the end of the season, they move up to the top tier. The catch? He has aliens for teammates, and coming from a culture where the only thing you learn about other species is how to kill them in the most effective way possible, he has his work cut out for him.
Style: No fancy tricks here, Scott Sigler gives it to you straight. The Rookie pulls no punches, gets to the point, and saves the graphic detail for the stuff that counts: the brutal, unforgiving, and sudden violence. Just the way I like it. XD
Substance: N/A (This is for informative podcasts)
Host(s): Scott Sigler is vibrant, energetic, and expressive. You won't hear him stumble over his words or mumble. He's one of the few hosts I've heard who adress fanmail and voicemails as if they were from his buddies. From what I've seen, the close relationship between him and his junkies (named so due to their addiction to his work) is quite a rare sight in podcasts with fanbases as large as his. Also, for a one-man voice cast, he does a pretty damn good job.
Sound Quality: No flaws of note. Excellent overall.
Episodes this review is based on: All of Them.
Recommended Episodes: All the main episodes.
Releases: Completed
Misc Comments: At first, I was a bit skeptical about the football theme. I'm not a footbal fan and expected The Rookie to chew me up. I was pleasantly surprised when I wasn't completely lost. For a sports story, characters have a fair deal of depth and everything from intergalactic politics to the workings of the underworld are presented. The football parts are done in such a way that you can enjoy all the blood and glory of futuristic football without having to deal with the boring bits. The violence is a bit slow to appear and if you're coming from Infection or Ancestor, won't be as able to sate your bloodlust. Well, Sigler, if you're reading this, kudos to you. You've turned me into a Junkie and now I can't wait for Nocturnal.
Overall: 5/5
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Otaku RPG: Fallacy 1
Katsuhiko Tenshi is a average high school boy who gets average grades, lives in a average home, has no girlfriend, and goes to an average school. He plays video games and hangs out with his geeky friends. He's kind and loves to help his friends. He spends his days dreaming about being magically swept to a fantasy world where he'd become a hero with some ancient power and hit it off with royalty because no one gives a flying fuck about him in real life.
This story isn't about him.
Sayoko Ando is at the top of her class at a prestigious academy. She's part of a wealthy family and lives in a mansion. Boys drool over her and she's a superb tennis player. She's also a royal bitch and crossing her means social excommunication. She spends her days pondering her ascent into the worlds of business and politics.
One day after watching her goons beat up Katsuhiko for spilling tea on her shoes, she mysteriously passes out.
When she woke up, she found herself being watched by an old lady dressed in common clothes.
Old Lady (reaching out to touch her): Ah! I see you're up, milady-
Sayoko: Get your damn, dirty hands off me, peasant!
Old Lady: I'm sorry but-
Sayoko: What the hell do you think you're doing putting me in this room?! It's much too small. If my hair isn't properly ventilated, it goes off center!!! And this bed! What's with these cheap sheets?! Do I look like some bourgeoise?!
Old Lady: But- But-
Sayoko: And what the hell are you doing in here?! I may catch some commoner's disease! Have you no brain?!
*The old lady breaks down into sobs*
Sayoko: But most importantly, what the fuck am I doing here?!
*The door slams open as guards rush in and grab Sayoko, dragging her away.*
*Within minutes, she's onto the floor of a dining room with a huge, rectangular table with a man in a flamboyant outfit sitting across the room, feasting on roast chicken.*
Sayoko (standing up): Are you some kind of fat ass pimp-?
Nobleman (interrupting): You shall not speak unless spoken to. I am the lord of this estate and i shall make this brief. You fell out of the sky. We found you. A prophecy foretold this. You are the maiden who will slay the darkness and restore balance and-
Sayoko (bored): If you're going to give me that cliché RPG-fodder bullshit, at least make it somewhat amusing. Adjectives help a lot, buddy.
Nobleman: SILENCE! As I was saying, rather than bringing you to the king, I will now-
Sayoko: Info gap much? If you're going to bore me, then get your info straight, you fat fuck.
Noblemen (clenching his fists and turning red): Insolent wench! You're going to make me king of the world! Got any problems with that?
Sayoko: Take a guess, you retarded swine.
*She jumps up onto the table, dashes across, picking up a long steak knife along the way. Before the noble or his guards could react, she was upon him, her knife just barely touching his neck.*
Sayoko: For one, the world would be fucked with you at the helm, fatso. On the other hand, if I’m THAT powerful, I think I’m gonna have some fun.
*She grins a devilish grin*
This story isn't about him.
Sayoko Ando is at the top of her class at a prestigious academy. She's part of a wealthy family and lives in a mansion. Boys drool over her and she's a superb tennis player. She's also a royal bitch and crossing her means social excommunication. She spends her days pondering her ascent into the worlds of business and politics.
One day after watching her goons beat up Katsuhiko for spilling tea on her shoes, she mysteriously passes out.
When she woke up, she found herself being watched by an old lady dressed in common clothes.
Old Lady (reaching out to touch her): Ah! I see you're up, milady-
Sayoko: Get your damn, dirty hands off me, peasant!
Old Lady: I'm sorry but-
Sayoko: What the hell do you think you're doing putting me in this room?! It's much too small. If my hair isn't properly ventilated, it goes off center!!! And this bed! What's with these cheap sheets?! Do I look like some bourgeoise?!
Old Lady: But- But-
Sayoko: And what the hell are you doing in here?! I may catch some commoner's disease! Have you no brain?!
*The old lady breaks down into sobs*
Sayoko: But most importantly, what the fuck am I doing here?!
*The door slams open as guards rush in and grab Sayoko, dragging her away.*
*Within minutes, she's onto the floor of a dining room with a huge, rectangular table with a man in a flamboyant outfit sitting across the room, feasting on roast chicken.*
Sayoko (standing up): Are you some kind of fat ass pimp-?
Nobleman (interrupting): You shall not speak unless spoken to. I am the lord of this estate and i shall make this brief. You fell out of the sky. We found you. A prophecy foretold this. You are the maiden who will slay the darkness and restore balance and-
Sayoko (bored): If you're going to give me that cliché RPG-fodder bullshit, at least make it somewhat amusing. Adjectives help a lot, buddy.
Nobleman: SILENCE! As I was saying, rather than bringing you to the king, I will now-
Sayoko: Info gap much? If you're going to bore me, then get your info straight, you fat fuck.
Noblemen (clenching his fists and turning red): Insolent wench! You're going to make me king of the world! Got any problems with that?
Sayoko: Take a guess, you retarded swine.
*She jumps up onto the table, dashes across, picking up a long steak knife along the way. Before the noble or his guards could react, she was upon him, her knife just barely touching his neck.*
Sayoko: For one, the world would be fucked with you at the helm, fatso. On the other hand, if I’m THAT powerful, I think I’m gonna have some fun.
*She grins a devilish grin*
Monday, July 9, 2007
WTF Mate? 7/9/07
Love is yelling "surprise buttseks" at your boyfriend before showing him what you mean by "futanari".
Updates: New Blog Format
Sorry for takin' so long ta get back ta y'all, folks. I've been a lazy gal. >_<
Anyways, in an attempt to make posting a bit easier on my part, I've blocked-out what ima do each day for the time being effective immediately.
Mondays: WTF Mate? - Random Shit. Don't ask.
Tuesdays: Otaku RPG - A story I'm working on at the moment. Most of the early stuff was already written-out, so suggestions won't become effective for the early bit.
Wednesdays: Ima Lookin' at J00! - Podcast Reviews
Thursdays: Things I Hate - Unleash the Bitch!
Fridays: Life of a Japanese Schoolgirl - The diary of a poor, unfortunate victim of a parody story. XD
Saturdays: More Otaku RPG
Sundays: DoS IRCast - Unlike the disaster that was my previous idea, this version will only have a few choice quotes from the IRC channel.
Welp, what are y'all waitin' for? Get ta readin'!
Anyways, in an attempt to make posting a bit easier on my part, I've blocked-out what ima do each day for the time being effective immediately.
Mondays: WTF Mate? - Random Shit. Don't ask.
Tuesdays: Otaku RPG - A story I'm working on at the moment. Most of the early stuff was already written-out, so suggestions won't become effective for the early bit.
Wednesdays: Ima Lookin' at J00! - Podcast Reviews
Thursdays: Things I Hate - Unleash the Bitch!
Fridays: Life of a Japanese Schoolgirl - The diary of a poor, unfortunate victim of a parody story. XD
Saturdays: More Otaku RPG
Sundays: DoS IRCast - Unlike the disaster that was my previous idea, this version will only have a few choice quotes from the IRC channel.
Welp, what are y'all waitin' for? Get ta readin'!
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