Otaku RPG: Fallacy 2

On the 153rd day of the 9998th year of the celestial calendar, Lord . . . umm whatever his name is was thrown into the dungeon of homoerotic agony never to be seen again.

*Sayoko sits on a throne-ish chair, observing her new servants when a man in fancy military armor runs into the room.*

General: You called, milady?

Sayoko: About fucking time you got here, General . . . err . . .

General: Francis. Francis, the Lord of Staves.

Sayoko: Staves? That's the lamest thing I’ve ever heard!

Francis: Well, blades, bows, and spears were taken and I wanted to be original . . .

Sayoko: . . . Moving on, I want you to gather the mightiest warriors of this realm and bring them to me!

Francis: Alright . . .

*Half an hour later*

Sayoko: What?! I tell you to bring the best of the realm and you bring me this collection of rejects?!

Francis: Well, the previous lord already drove out our best warriors so . . .

Sayoko: Oh great. I might as well be picking teams in Special Ed.

*Sayoko closes her eyes, spins around, and randomly points at one of the “warriors” Francis brought.*

*Her finger lands on a somewhat muscular man with a longsword on his back.*

Sayoko: Who are you and why the hell should I hire you?

Alfonso: I am Alfonso. I want to defend the world against the evils that plague-

Sayoko: Next!

*A klutzy girl stumbles up to her*

Sayoko: Well?

Angela: I’m Angela. I’m a seemingly helpless girl, but in reality, I’ve descended from an ancient race of celestials and have hidden powers beyond mortal-

Sayoko: Francis! What does the scouter say about her BS level?

Francis: It’s over 9000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sayoko: WHAT 9000?!

Angela: So . . . . do I get the job?

Sayoko: . . . Get out.

*A gruff man wearing heavy armor and carrying a large blade steps forward*

Sayoko (yawning): You interview him, Frenchie.

Francis: I’m not a Frenchie, you demented bit-

*SLAP*

Francis: *Sniff* Please stop! Frenchie will be good! Frenchie promises! Errrr . . . . (to the newcomer) Why should we hire you?

Boris: I like swords.

Francis: Fair enough. What is your defining characteristic?

Boris: I like swords.

Francis: I see . . . And your previous experience in this field?

Boris: I like swords.

Francis: Outstanding! I think we’ve found our-

*SLAP*

Sayoko: Next!

*An angst-ridden teen slithers up to the “throne”*

Sayoko: What’s so special about you?

Teen: My life is a living hell. They try to make me something I’m not. My blood boils every time I think about it. How they imprisoned me. How they rejected me. How they left me to-

Sayoko: Blah. Blah. Blah. ALL parents are like that, so either grow a pair or get out, Shinji.

*Finally, a twitching being hidden under red robes moves forth, his hands grasping his robes.*

Sayoko: I swear if you flash me, I’m gonna chop your flashlight off and give it to Mr. Angstfest over there.