Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Otaku RPG: Fallacy 5
*The slaver base on the other side of the village*
--------------------------------------------------------
*A woman in an elaborate leather outfit sits in a tent. On each side of her, a man fans her with a palm leaf. Her feet rest on a man on his hands and knees. Next to one of the men stands a woman covered in leather straps with a blindfold over her eyes and gauntlets with blades protruding from them.*
*A glass-wearing girl carrying a huge pair of scissors on her back walks in.*
Glass-Wearing Girl: Lady Hilda, the raid was a success. We captured roughly 50 suitable men. But-
*Hilda sits upright.*
Hilda: But what, Mari?
Mari: One of our squads didn’t return and the predators have reported an encampment on the other side of the town.
*The insane-looking one in the leather straps stirs.*
Gwenyth: Should I deal with them?
Hilda: Hmmm . . . What do you think, Mari-?
*Mari is teasing a man with her scissors. He flinches as the blades glide just over his skin.*
Mari: Heh heh. Keep very still! Otherwise, my fingers might just slip-
Hilda: Mari! For the last time, don’t mess up the merchandise!
Gwenyth: *Ahem* Your orders?
Hilda: Let’s welcome them to the neighborhood. Heh heh.
*They head out and their army of male slaves armed with crappy swords (if anything) led by women in outfits similar to Hilda’s wielding whips begins to march. Several women dressed similarly to Gwenyth gather around her before they disappear.*
--------------------------------------------------------
*A woman in an elaborate leather outfit sits in a tent. On each side of her, a man fans her with a palm leaf. Her feet rest on a man on his hands and knees. Next to one of the men stands a woman covered in leather straps with a blindfold over her eyes and gauntlets with blades protruding from them.*
*A glass-wearing girl carrying a huge pair of scissors on her back walks in.*
Glass-Wearing Girl: Lady Hilda, the raid was a success. We captured roughly 50 suitable men. But-
*Hilda sits upright.*
Hilda: But what, Mari?
Mari: One of our squads didn’t return and the predators have reported an encampment on the other side of the town.
*The insane-looking one in the leather straps stirs.*
Gwenyth: Should I deal with them?
Hilda: Hmmm . . . What do you think, Mari-?
*Mari is teasing a man with her scissors. He flinches as the blades glide just over his skin.*
Mari: Heh heh. Keep very still! Otherwise, my fingers might just slip-
Hilda: Mari! For the last time, don’t mess up the merchandise!
Gwenyth: *Ahem* Your orders?
Hilda: Let’s welcome them to the neighborhood. Heh heh.
*They head out and their army of male slaves armed with crappy swords (if anything) led by women in outfits similar to Hilda’s wielding whips begins to march. Several women dressed similarly to Gwenyth gather around her before they disappear.*
WTF Mate? 7/24/07
Sorry guys, but no DoS IRCast this week. Anyways . . .
Scary Fact #1: Us gals don't like shota . . . scary, fourty-year old, balding, ugly men do.
Scary Fact #1: Us gals don't like shota . . . scary, fourty-year old, balding, ugly men do.
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Otaku RPG: Fallacy 4
*Outside a mid-sized town a few days later*
------------------------------------------------------
*Sayoko, Francis, Magnus, and several lesser officers stand around a map of the area around the town.*
Francis: I suggest we send a diversionary force to the front and moon them until they puke. Then, we can sneak around to the back entrance and-
Sayoko: You’re gay, aren’t you?
Francis: WHAT?! Where the hell did that come from?!
Sayoko: Well, you have an affinity for rear doors . . .
Francis (mouth wide): . . . . .
Magnus: W-we could hurl burning chunks at them before rushing in.
Sayoko: You sick son of a bitch. Where are we gonna get that much puke?!
Magnus: T-that’s n-n-not w-what I m-m-m-m-meant.
Sayoko: Sureeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
*Screams come from outside. The group rushes out.*
*As Sayoko, Magnus, and Francis step out of the tent, they witness a scene of total chaos. Sayoko's soldiers are desparately fighting off crazy women leaping about in bondage gear and men bound by shackles. They're losing, though, because the enemy has claws while they only have . . . staves?*
Sayoko: . . . Why the hell are our men fighting with sticks?
Francis: Staves.
Sayoko: . . . I see i'm not going to get a good answer out of you. Magnus, attack!
Magnus: J-jesus christ, lady, I'm not a pokemon!
Sayoko: JUST DO IT!
*Magnus hurls lightning bolt after lightning bolt at the enemies until the immediate area is littered with Kentucky Fried Wierdos.*
Sayoko (picking up one of the surviving enemies, a male): Where did you come from?
Guy (pointing to the town): T-the other side.
Sayoko: That's it? No resistance? No defiant glare? No lies?
Guy: They don't pay me well . . .
Sayoko: Alright then . . .
Sayoko (to Francis): Kill him.
Francis (raising his weapon): With pleasure.
Guy: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
*Francis brings down his weapon without mercy.*
*Thump*
Sayoko: Thump?
Francis: Errr . . .
Sayoko: Did you just try to kill him with a stick?
Francis: Staff.
Sayoko: Whatever! It's a big-ass dildo for all I care! Now shut up before I show you how to use one the hard way!
Francis: Eep!
Sayoko: Bah! March! We're going to pay our neighbors a visit.
*Sayoko and her army march away.*
Guy: Umm, guys? I'm not dead, just paralyzed from the neck down . . . Hello? Guys? God damn it. Oh well. I still saved money on my ca-
Francis (lunging at the cripple): RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
------------------------------------------------------
*Sayoko, Francis, Magnus, and several lesser officers stand around a map of the area around the town.*
Francis: I suggest we send a diversionary force to the front and moon them until they puke. Then, we can sneak around to the back entrance and-
Sayoko: You’re gay, aren’t you?
Francis: WHAT?! Where the hell did that come from?!
Sayoko: Well, you have an affinity for rear doors . . .
Francis (mouth wide): . . . . .
Magnus: W-we could hurl burning chunks at them before rushing in.
Sayoko: You sick son of a bitch. Where are we gonna get that much puke?!
Magnus: T-that’s n-n-not w-what I m-m-m-m-meant.
Sayoko: Sureeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
*Screams come from outside. The group rushes out.*
*As Sayoko, Magnus, and Francis step out of the tent, they witness a scene of total chaos. Sayoko's soldiers are desparately fighting off crazy women leaping about in bondage gear and men bound by shackles. They're losing, though, because the enemy has claws while they only have . . . staves?*
Sayoko: . . . Why the hell are our men fighting with sticks?
Francis: Staves.
Sayoko: . . . I see i'm not going to get a good answer out of you. Magnus, attack!
Magnus: J-jesus christ, lady, I'm not a pokemon!
Sayoko: JUST DO IT!
*Magnus hurls lightning bolt after lightning bolt at the enemies until the immediate area is littered with Kentucky Fried Wierdos.*
Sayoko (picking up one of the surviving enemies, a male): Where did you come from?
Guy (pointing to the town): T-the other side.
Sayoko: That's it? No resistance? No defiant glare? No lies?
Guy: They don't pay me well . . .
Sayoko: Alright then . . .
Sayoko (to Francis): Kill him.
Francis (raising his weapon): With pleasure.
Guy: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
*Francis brings down his weapon without mercy.*
*Thump*
Sayoko: Thump?
Francis: Errr . . .
Sayoko: Did you just try to kill him with a stick?
Francis: Staff.
Sayoko: Whatever! It's a big-ass dildo for all I care! Now shut up before I show you how to use one the hard way!
Francis: Eep!
Sayoko: Bah! March! We're going to pay our neighbors a visit.
*Sayoko and her army march away.*
Guy: Umm, guys? I'm not dead, just paralyzed from the neck down . . . Hello? Guys? God damn it. Oh well. I still saved money on my ca-
Francis (lunging at the cripple): RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Saturday, July 21, 2007
The Life of a Japanese Schoolgirl part 5
July 18, 2007
I learned something today. Desu!
Longcat is looooooooooooooong. Desu!
-----------------------------------------
July 19, 2007
Bitches don't know about my Desu!
-----------------------------------------
July 20, 2007
IMA CHARGIN MAH LAZER!
SHOOP DA WHOOP!
-----------------------------------------
July 21, 2007
No wai! Rule #34, yeah right. "If it exists, there's porn of it."
No freakin' way. Ima prove it myself.
Ima go to google and type in everything i've ever known with "porn" attatched to the end of it. That'll show em'.
------------------------------------------
July 22, 2007
OH HOLY JESUS, RULE #34 IS REAL!! IT'S FUCKING REAL!
MY EYES!
DO NOT WANT! Err . . . Desu?
------------------------------------------
I learned something today. Desu!
Longcat is looooooooooooooong. Desu!
-----------------------------------------
July 19, 2007
Bitches don't know about my Desu!
-----------------------------------------
July 20, 2007
IMA CHARGIN MAH LAZER!
SHOOP DA WHOOP!
-----------------------------------------
July 21, 2007
No wai! Rule #34, yeah right. "If it exists, there's porn of it."
No freakin' way. Ima prove it myself.
Ima go to google and type in everything i've ever known with "porn" attatched to the end of it. That'll show em'.
------------------------------------------
July 22, 2007
OH HOLY JESUS, RULE #34 IS REAL!! IT'S FUCKING REAL!
MY EYES!
DO NOT WANT! Err . . . Desu?
------------------------------------------
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Things I Hate: Movie Games
For every good (or even bad) movie, there's a flaming, putrid turd of a game.
You remember all those Pixar movies, right? Y'know, like Monsters Inc. and shit? Well, a few days after ya see da movie, you see a commercial on TV sayin' something about a video game. Now, most parents and idiots think, "WOW this shit is awesome! I'd better get it." A few days later, some hapless child or random idiot puts the game into their PS2 and . . . .
"WTF is this shit?"
You turn on the game and it's alright. Nothing special, but it'll hold you over for a few hours. Then, the cheap cutscene plays. Wait . . . that's not (insert actor's name here)'s voice! Who the fuck is this?!
Then, the actual game starts. Alright, you have to . . . escape the stage? Alright, I can collect some (insert movie-related collectible here) to get "special" features like clips from THE FUCKING MOVIE THAT YOU'VE ALREADY SEEN! Gameplay? Take your pick: platformer, beat-em'-up, or the occasional shooter?
Not a very good set of options, is it?
Well, the platformers aren't about jumping from platform to platform so much as they're about jumping, missing the ledge due to shitty placement and camera, and dying. The beat-em'-ups aren't any better. It's like Dynasty Warriors cept' in slow motion and with equally sluggish controls. Shooters? Well, someone's getting shot, and it's not the enemies.
The ironic thing about movie games? They make lots o' cash, which is a testament to the rather stupid masses who don't learn the first time.
The moral? Longcat is looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong.
You remember all those Pixar movies, right? Y'know, like Monsters Inc. and shit? Well, a few days after ya see da movie, you see a commercial on TV sayin' something about a video game. Now, most parents and idiots think, "WOW this shit is awesome! I'd better get it." A few days later, some hapless child or random idiot puts the game into their PS2 and . . . .
"WTF is this shit?"
You turn on the game and it's alright. Nothing special, but it'll hold you over for a few hours. Then, the cheap cutscene plays. Wait . . . that's not (insert actor's name here)'s voice! Who the fuck is this?!
Then, the actual game starts. Alright, you have to . . . escape the stage? Alright, I can collect some (insert movie-related collectible here) to get "special" features like clips from THE FUCKING MOVIE THAT YOU'VE ALREADY SEEN! Gameplay? Take your pick: platformer, beat-em'-up, or the occasional shooter?
Not a very good set of options, is it?
Well, the platformers aren't about jumping from platform to platform so much as they're about jumping, missing the ledge due to shitty placement and camera, and dying. The beat-em'-ups aren't any better. It's like Dynasty Warriors cept' in slow motion and with equally sluggish controls. Shooters? Well, someone's getting shot, and it's not the enemies.
The ironic thing about movie games? They make lots o' cash, which is a testament to the rather stupid masses who don't learn the first time.
The moral? Longcat is looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Ima Lookin' At J00!: Geeknights Thursdays
The General Idea: "Throwaway Thursdays" as Rym and Scott like to call em'. Whatever doesn't fall under Science, Tech, Video Games, Board Games, Anime, Manga, or Comics ends up on this feed. They pick a topic and . . . well, talk about it. You know, share experiences, give insight, etc.
Style: Well-organized. Geeknights Thursdays isn't a comedy podcast, but you'll get the occasional laugh from their well-placed in-jokes. Rym and Scott do news, but unlike most podcasters who do news, they actually have something interesting to say when they do it. Simply put, they tell you something you don't know or say something worthwhile about something you do know about. The podcast is structured into a few consistent segments. After the short opening and preliminary comments, they go into news followed by things of the day, which are awesome things they find on the internet. After that, they go in-depth on their topic for the day and end with show-related info.
Substance: Here's where the goodies lie. The news on this show isn't something you just nod off to or fast forward by. It actually makes you think. Quite an accomplishment, i'd say. Things of the day tend to be hit or miss, but are usually reliable sources of entertainment. Regardless of their main topic, there's always something new to learn (or another perspective to consider) when listening to this podcast. Sometimes, the idea is to inform newbies and sometimes, it's to go deep on a subject. Works either way.
Hosts: Rym and Scott can form cohesive sentences unlike a good deal of the podcasters out there. They can speak clearly and express their ideas with the same clarity. Though they do go off on tangents and Scott tends to raise rather odd arguments from time to time, these factors rarely detract from the show. They won't tell you shit you already know, which is a huge plus in my book.
Sound Quality: Earlier episodes have passable (though certainly not bad) sound quality. Everything else (barring interviews and non-studio recorded material)is of superb quality. No complaints here.
Episodes This Review Is Based On: All Geeknights Thursdays episodes prior to 7/19/07.
Recommended Episodes: This is a toughie. It really depends on your tastes since the episodes are very topical. Just find ones you like and listen to those first.
Release Rate: Usually every Thursday.
Overall: 5/5 Top-Tier
Style: Well-organized. Geeknights Thursdays isn't a comedy podcast, but you'll get the occasional laugh from their well-placed in-jokes. Rym and Scott do news, but unlike most podcasters who do news, they actually have something interesting to say when they do it. Simply put, they tell you something you don't know or say something worthwhile about something you do know about. The podcast is structured into a few consistent segments. After the short opening and preliminary comments, they go into news followed by things of the day, which are awesome things they find on the internet. After that, they go in-depth on their topic for the day and end with show-related info.
Substance: Here's where the goodies lie. The news on this show isn't something you just nod off to or fast forward by. It actually makes you think. Quite an accomplishment, i'd say. Things of the day tend to be hit or miss, but are usually reliable sources of entertainment. Regardless of their main topic, there's always something new to learn (or another perspective to consider) when listening to this podcast. Sometimes, the idea is to inform newbies and sometimes, it's to go deep on a subject. Works either way.
Hosts: Rym and Scott can form cohesive sentences unlike a good deal of the podcasters out there. They can speak clearly and express their ideas with the same clarity. Though they do go off on tangents and Scott tends to raise rather odd arguments from time to time, these factors rarely detract from the show. They won't tell you shit you already know, which is a huge plus in my book.
Sound Quality: Earlier episodes have passable (though certainly not bad) sound quality. Everything else (barring interviews and non-studio recorded material)is of superb quality. No complaints here.
Episodes This Review Is Based On: All Geeknights Thursdays episodes prior to 7/19/07.
Recommended Episodes: This is a toughie. It really depends on your tastes since the episodes are very topical. Just find ones you like and listen to those first.
Release Rate: Usually every Thursday.
Overall: 5/5 Top-Tier
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Otaku RPG: Fallacy 3
Magnus: N-n-no! I-I am a m-m-mage.
Sayoko: O Rly?
Magnus: Y-Ya R-R-Rly.
Sayoko: Alright then, let’s see your powers, but tell you what. You’re going to show our men what you can do. Succeed, and you’ll be my right-
Francis: Ahem.
Sayoko: *Sigh* Left hand man.
Magnus: R-really?
Sayoko: BUT, there’s a catch. If you don’t live up, I’ll have them chop off your legs before impaling you and leaving you to rot. Off we go!
*In front of the barracks*
-------------------------------------
*Several hundred soldiers stand at attention while Sayoko, Francis, and Magnus face them.*
Sayoko (pointing to a huge boulder): Well?
Magnus: O-okay.
*He holds his hand toward the boulder. For a moment, his hand glows with a scarlet aura.*
Sayoko: . . . Well, that was lame.
*Suddenly, a fireball the size of a giant’s torso bursts out of a seal on Magnus’ palm, obliterating the boulder and raining debris everywhere.*
Sayoko: I think we have our winner!
*Just as everyone starts cheering, another fireball rips through the air, detonating in front of a group of soldiers.*
Sayoko (to Magnus): What the fuck are you doing?!
Magnus: Fireball . .. Fireball! FIREBALL!!!!!!!
*He sprays the area with fireballs. Soldiers and civilian spectators alike flee in terror.*
*After a few minutes, Magnus collapses.*
Francis: At least he’s powerful . . .
Sayoko: . . .
*SLAP*
Sayoko: O Rly?
Magnus: Y-Ya R-R-Rly.
Sayoko: Alright then, let’s see your powers, but tell you what. You’re going to show our men what you can do. Succeed, and you’ll be my right-
Francis: Ahem.
Sayoko: *Sigh* Left hand man.
Magnus: R-really?
Sayoko: BUT, there’s a catch. If you don’t live up, I’ll have them chop off your legs before impaling you and leaving you to rot. Off we go!
*In front of the barracks*
-------------------------------------
*Several hundred soldiers stand at attention while Sayoko, Francis, and Magnus face them.*
Sayoko (pointing to a huge boulder): Well?
Magnus: O-okay.
*He holds his hand toward the boulder. For a moment, his hand glows with a scarlet aura.*
Sayoko: . . . Well, that was lame.
*Suddenly, a fireball the size of a giant’s torso bursts out of a seal on Magnus’ palm, obliterating the boulder and raining debris everywhere.*
Sayoko: I think we have our winner!
*Just as everyone starts cheering, another fireball rips through the air, detonating in front of a group of soldiers.*
Sayoko (to Magnus): What the fuck are you doing?!
Magnus: Fireball . .. Fireball! FIREBALL!!!!!!!
*He sprays the area with fireballs. Soldiers and civilian spectators alike flee in terror.*
*After a few minutes, Magnus collapses.*
Francis: At least he’s powerful . . .
Sayoko: . . .
*SLAP*
Monday, July 16, 2007
Sunday, July 15, 2007
DoS IRCast: 7/15/07
Leviathan: PALT-CHAN GUESS WHAT?!
Paltir: wha?
Leviathan: I BOUGHT THE DUNGEON MASTER'S GUIDE TODAY!
Paltir: and?
Leviathan: AND I'M RUNNING A DUNGEON AT A CON IN SEPTEMBER!
Paltir: ...
Paltir: estimated chance of failure... 78%
Paltir: wha?
Leviathan: I BOUGHT THE DUNGEON MASTER'S GUIDE TODAY!
Paltir: and?
Leviathan: AND I'M RUNNING A DUNGEON AT A CON IN SEPTEMBER!
Paltir: ...
Paltir: estimated chance of failure... 78%
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